Where have I been? Even I don’t know! This summer has flown by. I look back and see my last blog was in May. Wow. I feel like I have been doing nothing and everything all at once. But this has been quite the summer of self-discovery. I had a roommate for a short time. A friend that needed a place to stay between moves. I am such a person of solitude that it scared me. When I wanted to shut down or be alone, someone else would be in my home. It exposed me. I couldn’t hide at the end of a long day. And to my surprise, it is exactly what I needed. At the end of a long day I now had someone to talk to. I didn’t come home to an empty house. Someone noticed when I was sad or wasn’t myself. I was encouraged to go out and do more or even share a meal with someone. Who knew that I wouldn’t miss my solitude?! Surely not me. I can rely on someone. I can not be alone. I didn’t even know myself because I never thought it would be me. You see, I use to be so outgoing and fun and busy. And then it’s like life caught up with me. Last year, I struggled with anxiety and depression for the first time in my life. I didn’t even recognize myself. It was so not like me. And there it was taking over me. I slowly got it under control, using my faith, therapy, essential oils and a good relationship with my doctor. But after that incident, I still felt shaken. You see, once you know that anxiety and depression can sneak up on you at any time, it’s like a shadow behind you. You are waiting for it to come back and torture your life. And since you feel like you have no control over when it comes back, you constantly fear it. So I found myself going out less and less. And socializing less. My safe place was my home. Alone. No one there (cause no one was there) could see me struggle. I could hide, curl up in my bed, and feel safe with myself. No one had to know I was there and hiding. No one could see my emotions. No one could see my heart. That to me was as safe as I could get. But what was I accomplishing? I was so relieved to have gotten through the rough patch of anxiety and depression but I was still living like I was in it. My life was passing me by. I was just going through the motions. Work, home, occasional time with family and friends. But I wasn’t living. I was too scared that living would cause me fear or pain or sadness. But that hole wasn’t getting me anywhere either. So, by total surprise, my short term roommate helped change that. People struggle, and she understood that. I could have a bad day and come home and talk about it instead of shutting down. I could feel sad or anxious and have someone to talk me through it. I could eat ice cream or drink wine and laugh and be okay. I could feel normal and not hidden again. I could be exposed and yet my whole world wouldn’t crumble. Wow. Such a simple thing and yet it became the start of me living again.